Everyone is Struggling

Everyone Is Struggling (Even If They Don’t Show It)

My dear dear thoughtful reader

Let me tell you a secret. Actually, scratch that—it’s not really a secret, it’s just something we don’t say out loud or talk about often enough:

Everyone is struggling.

Yes, EVERYONE.

• The woman who seems to have it all together? The one with the flawless Instagram feed and the smiling kids and the fancy job title? Her too.
• Your coworker who’s always chipper in the morning? Struggling.
• That friend who gives the best advice and always checks on everyone else but rarely talks about herself? Struggling!
• The beautiful sexy jogger that passed you by on your morning walk, earbuds in, seemingly winning the fitness fight with grace and ease? Yip, her too. Struggling.

And then there is you… Little ol’ broken, weak, sad, falling behind human you. Weighed down by the weight of simply being a human. Here’s something no one tells us—being human sometimes feel like a lot. Things feel like they are a lot. And that’s because they are—a lot. And because everything feels like a lot—we struggle. So no, you’re not broken, you’re not weak or falling behind or sad (well maybe sometimes), you’re just human and that’s ok.

So, let’s talk about it today shall we. Let’s unpack the quiet, often invisible weight we all carry. Because you deserve to know: you’re not defective. You’re HOMOSAPIEN. Today allow me to hold up a mirror—not to show you what’s wrong with you, but to reflect to you just how normal it is to struggle and not have it all figured out. Is that ok? Let’s get into it…

The Lie of the Highlight Reel

Let me ask you something. When was the last time you looked at someone else’s life and thought, Dam! They’re really going through it? Now compare that to how often you’ve looked at someone’s life and thought, I wish I had what they have. You see, that’s the game comparison with the aid of social media (more on this later) plays with our minds. We scroll and scroll through countless curated smiles, promotion announcements, destination weddings, Pinterest-worthy homes, seemingly perfect children, and #blessed captions. We compare their filtered joy to our own raw, unfiltered chaos and conclude that we’re surely missing a trick.

But here’s some of the truths behind the highlight reel:

• The person who posted that vacation pic? They’re drowning in credit card debt.
• The mom whose kid just won an award? She cried in her car this morning because she feels like she’s failing at everything.
• The friend who always looks so polished? They’re silently battling depression, anxiety, insecurity, and exhaustion but can’t bring themselves to ask for help.
• The coworker who always seems on top of everything? They’re terrified of being found out as a fraud.
• The couple who just bought a house? They’re fighting over money every night and pretending everything’s fine in public.
• The influencer with thousands of followers? They feel lonelier than ever and can’t remember the last time they had a real conversation.

Here’s a fact that we need to accept: we’re living in a world obsessed with looking like we’re winning at all cost. But here’s the catch: looking okay is not the same as being okay. We’re so busy performing that we forget that we’re allowed to just be. We forget that real connection doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from honesty. From messy, unfiltered, awkward, vulnerable, this-is-what’s-really-going-on-under-the-surface kind of openness. But because we rarely see that kind of truthfulness, we assume we’re the only ones struggling. So, we put on a brave face. We filter the photos. We tell people we’re “fine.” And that’s how the lie grows. That’s how isolation spreads. That’s how we start to believe that everyone else is thriving while we’re barely hanging on.

The Myth of “Fine”

Personally, I think all this starts with that strange little word we all love to hate: “fine.”

“How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

Fine is the mask we wear when we don’t want to explain just about anything. We say “fine” when we’re tired, scared, overwhelmed, numb, or on the verge of a meltdown. And let me be clear—there is no shame in saying you’re fine when you’re not ready to unravel. But let’s not pretend that “fine” means flourishing. It doesn’t. It just means coping. It’s the socially acceptable answer when your heart feels like it’s been cracked open, but you don’t have the energy to give account for why you’re bleeding profusely in public. Here’s what I want you to know: behind most “fine” is a story—messy, beautiful, emotional, raw, painful, and complicated. Just like yours. Each one of us is just trying to make sense of it all because I don’t know if you’ve noticed this but—life does NOT make sense.

Struggle Doesn’t Look the Same for Everyone

As unbelievable as it sounds, everyone is just trying to figure it out. Which means that everyone is in fact struggling. Now struggle wears many disguises though. It’s not always the dramatic movie-scene kind of standing in the street in the pouring rain crying uncontrollably. Sometimes it’s quiet. Mundane. Repetitive. Sometimes struggle looks like:

• Smiling through a Zoom meeting while battling anxiety.
• Showing up for lunch even though your heart is heavy with grief.
• Checking off a to-do list with no sense of accomplishment.
• Holding your breath every time your phone rings.
• Being so tired but unable to sleep because your mind won’t stop racing.
• Battling the inner critic that keeps whispering, “You’re not doing enough.”

Other times, it’s more visible—like job loss, divorce, illness, or burnout. But here’s the thing: just because you can’t see someone’s pain doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Unfortunately, we’ve been taught to “stay strong,” to “keep going,” to “not let them see you sweat.” But honestly? That’s SO exhausting! And for what? To prove we can suffer in silence better than the next person? Hard pass. REALITY CHECK: Struggle is not the opposite of strength. It’s the birthplace of it. You don’t have to hide your struggle or bear it in silence so that you can stay likable, productive or polished. You are allowed to be exactly as you are—imperfect, in progress, and worthy of love anyway. I know social media would have us believe otherwise but that’s a lie. And on that point… here’s my social media rant.

The Social Media Illusion

I alluded to this earlier, but I want to circle back to the evil elephant in the room that is social media. Yes, I said it! Social media is EVIL! Now to be fair, it didn’t start off that way. I think it had good intention at the beginning and honestly, I don’t think that it foresaw what it would become. But nevertheless, here we are dealing with the destructive side of social media years down the line. That beautiful, infuriating highlight reel that makes us feel like we’re the only ones not thriving. You scroll and see someone’s engagement, someone’s six-pack, someone’s new house, someone’s dream job, someone’s baby gender reveal complete with confetti and a drone light show. And you think, “Why not me? What am I doing wrong?”

But you know what you didn’t see? The therapy sessions, the fights behind closed doors, the miscarriages, the rejection emails, the mounting credit card debt, the 3 a.m. panic attacks, the list is endless. Social media provides us with the gateway drug that makes us compare our insides to someone else’s curated outside, and that’s not just unfair—it’s toxic! It’s like looking at the front cover of a book and assuming you know the entire story. SPOILER ALERT: you don’t. The curated exterior is what they want you to see, I don’t think that we’re meant to use that as the rubric on which to measure how we’re doing at life. Here are things I wish someone told me sooner and social media will never say:

You’re allowed to be the person who shows up and still cries in the bathroom.
You’re allowed to celebrate the win and still feel hollow inside.
You’re allowed to be grateful and overwhelmed.

And you are allowed—fully, unapologetically allowed—to fall apart and rebuild, over and over again, as many times as it takes.
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE BOTH!

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO STRUGGLE! Struggling doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’ve caught a case of living. The fact that you feel so deeply is a sign that you are alive. That you’re trying. That you’re in it. Yes, some days feel like climbing a mountain with no summit in sight. But you’re still climbing. And that counts. You are doing the best you can with what you have in this moment. And that, my thoughtful reader, is enough. Not perfect. Not polished. Not Pinterest-worthy. But enough.

Let This Be Your Permission Slip (Feel Free to Show It to Your Boss or Whoever)

This letter is your permission slip:

• To feel what you’re feeling without minimising it.
• To admit you’re not okay without apologising for it.
• To stop pretending everything is fine when it’s not.
• To stop comparing your struggles to someone else’s and just honour your own experience.

You are allowed to have bad days, bad weeks, bad seasons. That doesn’t make you any less worthy of love, rest, or happiness. In fact, it makes you more connected to the rest of us than you know. Because the truth is, behind every strong face is a story. And behind every story is a person just trying to find their way—just like you.

The Power of Owning It

I’ll never forget the time I admitted to a good friend that I was overwhelmed and barely hanging on. I expected pity (which I didn’t want) or judgment (which I felt I deserved). Instead, she said, “Girl, you and me both.” We laughed. Then we cried. We admitted to each other that life was kicking our butts and was harder than we’d imagined. In that moment of realness, I learnt that vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s connection. When we open up, we give others permission to do the same. When we share our struggles, we remind each other that we’re not alone. But if you’re worried that people will use this as food for gossip (which they might), just remember that they must definitely be struggling so bad that they’d use your struggle in gossip to distract from they own. They are to be pitied not feared. 

So, if you’re in the thick of it right now—emotionally, financially, mentally, relationally—say it. Name it. You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops (unless you want to) but tell someone. Write it down. Say it out loud to yourself in the mirror. There is so much power in simply admitting: This is so hard right now.

You Don’t Need to Fix It All Today (If It Needs Fixing at All)

Now, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that one of the things that stands in the way of us owning our struggles is the thought that we need to fix it all and right away. “You mean everything!?” Yes, EVERYTHING! The bills. The relationship. The career. The laundry. The kids. The future. The purpose of your entire existence. “Right now!?” Yes, RIGHT NOW! 

What a paralysing thought right? So, let me release you from all that pressure. You don’t need a five-year plan today. You don’t need an Insta-perfect morning routine. You don’t need to reinvent yourself overnight. You just need to take the next step. Whatever that looks like: drink some water; answer that one email; ask for help; take a nap; go outside and feel the sun on your skin; whatever it is. You’re not lazy or unmotivated. You’re tired. You’re human. And growth doesn’t happen in one day all at once—it happens in moments.

If you take nothing else from this letter, take this: Everyone is carrying something. Tuck that in your back pocket for the next time someone cuts you off in traffic, or snaps at you in line, or seems distant in conversation, everyone is carrying something. Sometimes it’s grief. Sometimes it’s guilt. Sometimes it’s exhaustion so deep that their bones ache. We are all, in some way, walking around with invisible backpacks full of worry, memories, and fear. That’s why kindness matters so much. Compassion, patience, grace—these things aren’t just warm-and-fuzzy ideas. They’re lifelines. You have no idea how much a kind word, a smile, or a simple “I see you” can mean to someone who is silently drowning.

A Final Thought

I’ll leave you with this: If today you are struggling, you are not alone. If today you feel like no one understands, trust that someone does. And if today you feel like giving up, please don’t. Not because things will magically get better overnight, but because you matter—even in your mess. Even in the struggle. Even when you’re unsure. Especially then. So, take a deep breath. Drop the pretence. Let yourself be real. Growth isn’t graceful. And survival? That’s a victory in itself.

We’re all in this together.

With grace and grit,