If It’s Broke, Fix It! Take Control of Your Life

If It’s Broke, Fix It! Take Control of Your Life

Dearest thoughtful reader

Let’s get straight to it shall we: Have you ever felt like you’re living in a loop, circling the same tired problems, hoping that somehow – without warning or effort – they’ll miraculously untangle themselves? Or have you ever found yourself lying on the couch and thought, “Is this it?” And somewhere inside you there’s that gnawing niggle that whispers “girl, something’s…off.” It’s a quiet kind of ache, isn’t it? That gut-deep knowing feeling that something’s broken.

Yet and often to our own peril, we’ve become masters of distraction. We tell ourselves, “It’s fine.” “It’s not that bad.” “Things will get better.” We slap on a smile, pour another coffee, and keep going. We sit. We wait. And we wish with ALL our heart that things would just change. Come on… We’ve all been there. Hell, I’ve been there on serval occasions over different things and situations. Maybe it’s the relationship that once felt like home but now feels like a room you can’t wait to escape. Or maybe it’s the dream job that has turned into a nightmare and leaves you drained before your first cup of coffee. Or maybe (and let’s get real here) it’s those stubborn, nasty, pesky habits sabotaging you softly, day after day.

I remember so vividly a time when I dove headfirst into a harmless commitment that started to feel like it was swallowing me whole, and I could no longer breathe. Evening after evening I would be curled up on my bed, feeling hollow, replaying my decisions over and over and wondering how I became a bystander in my own life. Every morning I’d wake up, my chest felt heavy, but I kept telling myself, “Be grateful. Push through. It’s just a phase.” SPOILER ALERT: It wasn’t a phase. It was a glaring, flashing neon sign from my soul saying: “THIS IS BROKEN! AND IT’S BREAKING YOU!” Unfortunately, instead of facing it, I clung to comfort. I waited for something – anything – to magically shift. SPOILER ALERT NUMBER 2: It didn’t! Because here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way: if it’s broke, YOU gotta fix it!

You see, here’s the deal; nothing changes until we change it. No one was coming to save me. No fairy godmother was coming to rescue me. No memo was going to land in my inbox offering a lifeline. No lightning bolt of clarity was going to zap the mess away. If I did nothing, I’d most certainly have nothing. Change – real, lasting, liberating change – had to start with me. It’s as simple and as hard as that. And I dare say that that, my dearest thoughtful reader is true for you too. No, you’re not Cinderella, your prince isn’t on his way. No one’s coming with a magic wand to fix it all. And honestly? That’s a good thing. Because the most powerful, transformative changes? They begin and end with you. As difficult as it may seem to believe right now, you have the ability to take charge of your life and make things better.

So, today, if you would allow me, I want to walk beside you through the process of recognising what’s not working in your life, embracing the messy magic of change, and reclaiming your right to a life that actually fits (just like Cinderella’s glass slipper).

First Things First: Spotting What’s Broken

Sometimes, the hardest part isn’t fixing what is actually broken, it’s admitting that something needs fixing at all. I know this might sound obvious, but sometimes, we get so caught up in the routine of life that we don’t realise when something is off. Let’s face it, we’re all experts at talking ourselves out of what we know deep down is true. We’re masters at rationalising: “It’s really not that bad.” “It’ll pass.” “I’m just overthinking it.” It took me a long while to recognise some destructive and self-sabotaging patterns in my own life. I was excellent at making excuses, explaining things away, and convincing myself to stay stuck. Sound familiar? If you’ve been hearing that same quiet voice inside you, whispering (or maybe screaming) that something isn’t right – tune in. Start paying attention, you’ll start to see the signs everywhere. And just in case you’re still unsure, here are some of the signs to look out for:

1. You feel…numb. Or stuck. Or both. If you’re waking up each day feeling like you’re going through the motions, living life on autopilot, just crossing off days on the calendar? It’s a sign that something in your life might need fixing. The best way I can describe it is that feeling of being technically “fine,” but joy feels like a distant memory. You can’t remember the last time you truly felt excited about anything. It’s not that anything catastrophic had happened; it’s just this slow erosion of joy. Feeling stuck doesn’t necessarily mean something is broken beyond repair, it could just be a sign that you need to make a change to reawaken your passion and enthusiasm for life. You might not even hate your situation, it’s just that it feels…meh. And friend, “meh” is not your portion.
2. You’re avoiding the thing. Do you find yourself putting off decisions and they just keep piling up? Are there conversations you know you need to have but they are just there gathering dust? Or are there actions you know you could or should take that could improve your situation, but you keep putting them off or rationalising yourself out of them? You keep telling yourself, “Next week, next month, after the holidays…” and that invisible deadline just keeps moving. Here’s the thing: avoidance is often a coping mechanism we use when we’re unsure about what to do OR afraid of the consequences of making a change. FUN FACT: avoidance is actually a choice you’re making in and of itself too. And the longer you avoid, the more power the problem has over you. There was a stage in my life when my to-do list became a graveyard for hard decisions. I told myself I was “waiting for the right time.” But what was I really doing? Hiding from fear out of fear. That’s the hard truth about avoidance. It’s actually fear dressed up in delay. So, hear this: avoidance is often a loud whisper from your soul saying “PAY ATTENTION”.
3. You complain (a lot) and are full of excuses. Listen, complaining is an easy way to vent frustration and I for one ain’t mad at it. Venting is human. BUT if you’re constantly talking about what’s wrong, it’s a clear sign that you’re not happy with your current situation. Complaining can definitely be a sign that you’re dissatisfied with your circumstances and need to make changes. I personally don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with feelings of dissatisfaction, however it’s important to turn that dissatisfaction into action. If your go-to conversation starter has become everything that’s wrong, without any actionable steps to address these woes, it’s time to check yourself. Complaints are clues. So, what are yours trying to tell you? If you catch yourself complaining over and over about the same thing – your boss, your partner, your bad habits – that’s your soul waving a giant red flag. Complaints aren’t just noise; they’re signals begging for action.
4. You’re exhausted, body and soul. If you’re feeling emotionally drained and or physically exhausted without a sense of relief, it could mean that something in your life is out of balance. You see, burnout is more than tiredness, it’s the ache of giving too much to what no longer nourishes you. It’s often a result of overextending yourself in areas that aren’t fulfilling or sustainable. If you’re giving more than you’re receiving, it’s time to step back and reassess where things might be broken. Pouring from an empty cup will eventually crush you. I remember all too well a time when I hit a point where no amount of sleep could cure my tiredness. That’s when I knew: this wasn’t about being busy, this was about being misaligned. Burnout, I’ve learned, is often a sign that we’re pouring our energy into the wrong wells. If this rings remotely true of you, stop, assess, and find the courage to tell yourself the truth: “this is broken and not working, I need to fix it before it destroys me.”

Why Fixing What’s Broken Matters (More Than You Think)

“But Thoughtful Rebel, why should I bother? Is it really that important to fix things that feel broken? Isn’t it better to leave well enough alone and just move on?”

I know right!? Believe me, I hear you. I did it for years. It’s totally tempting to settle. I get it, change is hard. Familiar dysfunction can feel safer than the terrifying unknown. We tell ourselves that we’re being realistic, that change is too risky, that we should just be grateful for what we have. But I’ll just be blunt here and say it: staying stuck is a slow kind of suffocation and you know it. You feel it all the time and no matter how hard you try to escape it, that feeling just keeps coming back. So no, staying stuck is not an option, it’s a useless illusion that does not serve you in the long run. But here’s why fixing what’s broken isn’t just brave or a good idea – it’s non-negotiable, it’s essential:

1. Growth lives on the other side of change. Every time you face what’s not working and do something about it, you stretch, you evolve. Every time you take steps to fix something that’s not working, you learn more about who you are and what you truly need to thrive. And slowly, you become the person you’ve always desired to be – not just a bystander in your own life. Every powerful, brilliant person I admire has this in common: at some point in their lives, they faced what wasn’t working and did something about it. Growth isn’t comfortable, FACT! But it’s the birthplace of everything you’re craving. The alternative to growth is stagnation. And stagnation is a slow death. I can promise you that every time you dare to fix something broken, whether it’s quitting a job, setting a boundary, or walking away from a toxic relationship, you will most certainly be terrified. But every single time you dare to embrace change, it WILL crack open a door to new possibilities you couldn’t have imagined.
2. You deserve more than just “fine.” Let me say it louder for the people in the back: YOU ARE WORTHY OF A LIFE THAT LIGHTS YOU UP! Life is too short to stay in situations that don’t serve you. Whether it’s a job that drains you, a relationship that leaves you feeling empty, or habits that hold you back, you deserve better. Fixing what’s broken isn’t just about “fixing” a problem, it’s about giving yourself the opportunity to live a purpose filled life. The moment you decide to take action, you send a powerful message to yourself: “I’m worthy of a life that brings me joy.” I used to believe settling and being content with “fine” was part of being “mature” or “responsible.” But darling, shrinking yourself to fit into spaces that don’t honour you? That’s not being responsible, that’s self-neglect! And you deserve so much more. You deserve love, fulfilment, peace – and you’re allowed to claim it.
3. Taking action is wildly empowering. When you fix what’s broken, you’re taking control of your life and getting back in the driver’s seat. You’re choosing to be the architect of your own destiny rather than letting circumstances dictate your happiness. It’s a powerful act of self-empowerment. Whether it’s changing your career, setting boundaries in a relationship, or breaking free from unhealthy patterns, taking charge of your own transformation is a way of reclaiming your power and agency. When you fix something that’s broken – no matter how small – you’re telling yourself, “I am capable”, “I am powerful”, “I am in charge of my story”. That feeling? Unmatched!
4. Little fixes create big waves. Often, when we make small changes to fix what’s broken, it leads to bigger, positive changes in other areas of our lives. For example, if you decide to fix a broken relationship by having an honest conversation or setting boundaries, you might find that it improves your mental and emotional health. What’s more, it can spark deeper intimacy, healing, or freedom which then leads to more energy and motivation in other areas of life. Small fixes can ripple out and create lasting, positive change. Never underestimate the power of a small, bold move. One brave move creates waves you can’t always predict but they always push you closer to wholeness.

So…How Do You Start? (A Roadmap to Change)

So, how do you begin this audacious act of self-rescue? WARNING: It will probably be a messy, uncomfortable, sometimes downright scary, tear-streaked, stop-and-start kind of process. It will require A LOT of practice that you will probably return to, again and again, so consider yourself warned. That said, here’s the roadmap that has often guided me and that I offer to you now. I hope you find it useful:

1. Name it.
   Write it down. Say it out loud. “This relationship is draining me.” “This habit is holding me back.” “This job is crushing my spirit.” Denial keeps you stuck; clarity sets you free. Honesty is your starting line. There is something strangely powerful about seeing the truth in black and white. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with it – anger, sadness, frustration, or disappointment. It’s all part of the process of making things better.
2. Dig deep: what’s really going on? Sometimes what’s broken on the surface is merely a symptom, not the root. Get curious. Peel back the layers. Ask yourself: “What’s really going on here?” “What am I avoiding?” “What fear is keeping me stuck?” Sometimes the answers will surprise you, and sometimes they will hurt you. But clarity is always the first step to help you develop a more targeted plan to address the issue.
3. Take one bold step. Change doesn’t always require grand gestures. Sometimes one small action can break the paralysis and opens the door to momentum. The first action is the hardest but it’s also the most magical. Make the appointment. Have the conversation. Ask for help. Say no. Don’t worry about the whole staircase; just take that first step.
4. Ride the waves of discomfort. Expect discomfort, fear, doubt, internal resistance. Let them come and let them pass. Change is always accompanied by fear and uncertainty. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, it means you’re doing it right. Growth never comes wrapped in ease, but every wave of discomfort is proof you’re moving forward. Feel the feelings, then keep moving anyway.
5. Assemble your people. Fixing what’s broken doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. I can’t overstate this: lean on your trusted circle – whether that’s friends, family, a therapist, a mentor, or whoever. Let them remind you of your worth and why you’re doing this. Let them hold space for your bravery.
6. Keep going, even when it’s hard. Progress is rarely linear. You’ll stumble. You’ll second-guess. You’ll be tempted to slide back into comfort. You WILL experience setbacks. But stay the course! Every small victory is proof that you’re moving in the right direction.

My Final Word (For Now Anyways…)

If you take nothing else from this letter, let it be this: You are the fixer. No matter how long you’ve been stuck – you are not powerless. No matter how tangled the mess feels – you are not stuck forever. You are not too late, too old, too far gone. You are capable of creating a life that fits you, a life that breathes with your joy and honours your worth. You have the power to change your story. You don’t need permission. You don’t need certainty. You just need the courage to begin. You’re the architect of your own freedom. You don’t have to overhaul your entire life overnight. But you can take that first tiny, defiant step. Today. Now!

So, what’s the one thing you know, deep down, needs fixing in your world right now? I dare you to take one tiny, rebellious step toward it today.

Stay S.H.E.

Believing in you,