On Falling Behind

When Everyone Else Seems Ahead (You’re Falling Behind)

My Dearest Struggling Thoughtful Reader,

Let’s get real for a second, shall we? No, not nod-your-head-and-smile real. Not highlight-reel real. I mean gut-wrenchingly, soul-baringly, honest-to-God real. Have you ever looked around at everybody else’s lives and thought…

“S#@T! Am I the only one who hasn’t figured it out yet?”

Here you are out on these rough streets doing the most. Showing up. Doing the work. Telling yourself that “slow progress is still progress.” But then you open your phone, scroll for three seconds, and it hits you like a freight train:

She’s married.
She’s pregnant.
She’s pregnant again.
She’s got a new house.
She just got promoted.
She lost weight and is looking good.
She launched a business.
She’s thriving.

And what about poor little you? Well, you’re just… just trying to summon up the willpower to get out of your pyjamas and do something—anything—that feels remotely productive today. Maybe it’s the dishes. Maybe it’s answering that one email that’s been staring at you all week. I get it. No, I mean it, I really get it. Listen, I’ve lived entire weeks in that weird fog where just existing feels like a full-time job. And that’s exactly why I want to talk about it. Why? Well, because when it seems like everyone else is out there smashing goals, landing promotions, and living their best curated Instagram lives—while you’re over here just trying not to lose your mind—it can feel like you’re the one doing it wrong. Like you’re a failure. Like you missed some crucial life memo.

But let’s pause right there.

I want to unpack all of it. From the very real truth that, no, you might not be behind or late to the party after all—to the uncomfortable but necessary part: how to tell when you are in fact off course, and, more importantly, how to pivot. Because you see, here’s the heart of it: your journey is yours. And just because it doesn’t look like theirs, it doesn’t make it any less valid—or you any less worthy. This is about figuring out how to thrive in your context, on your terms. And that’s what we’re digging into today. So, let’s unpack this shall we…

The Big Lie of Being “Behind”

Let me say this loud for the perfectionists, the people-pleasers, and the self-comparers at the back:

You are not supposed to be married by 28. You are not supposed to have kids by 30. You are not supposed to own a house by 32, have six figures in the bank, and a skincare routine that’s sponsored by the gods all before the age of 40. Here’s a secret: That whole “supposed to” thing? IT’S MADE UP!!! Invented! A social script written by heaven knows who and certainly not by people who know you, know your heart, know your history, or know your healing. But still (sigh), we unfortunately internalise it. And when life doesn’t unfold according to that imaginary plan, well – we feel like we’ve failed. But what if you have it all wrong? What if timing is not yours to command but divine? What if your perspective on where you are and where you’re supposed to be is skew or inaccurate? What if right now, exactly as you are — messy, unsure, in progress — is not a detour, but the path?

The Quiet Weight of Comparison

Personally, I think that we struggle to be at ease with where we are and our path for many reasons but the biggest reason of all is comparison. Oooohhhhh… she’s a sneaky one that Comparison gal. She doesn’t always show up in obvious ways – oh no, no-no, no-no, no-no – she’s way too crafty like that. She’s the queen of disguise. She often masquerades as inspiration — until she morphs into feelings shame and embarrassment. Comparison often sounds like (and this list can go on for days):

• “Surely I should be further along by now.”
• “She started after me and she’s already there.”
• “She’s not better than me?”
• “What am I not getting?”
• “What am I doing wrong?”

But here’s the thing: You don’t know the full story – trust me, you do not. You don’t know what it took for her to get there — or what she’s carrying behind that smile (BELIEVE me, she’s carrying something). You don’t see the heartaches, the breakdowns, the doubts, the therapy sessions, the nights she wanted to quit, the nights she did quit. I am willing to bet that her journey was not straightforward – no one’s is. Everyone’s journey is layered. Complex. Invisible in its struggle and beautiful in its becoming. Just like yours.

When You’re Doing Your Best (And It Still Feels Like Not Enough)

“That’s all well and fine Thoughtful Rebel but REAL TALK TIME: what about the real and raw pain of showing up — and still feeling like it doesn’t matter? I wake up early. I say the affirmations. I work the job, chase the dream, call my mom, drink three litres water a day, go to therapy, meditate, read the damn self-help book. And still… nothing feels like it’s moving. I don’t know what more I can do! I’m downright exhausted and wondering: What’s the point of doing the work if I don’t see or feel the results?”

Oh, my dearest struggling thoughtful reader please hear me say this to you:

1. Effort is never wasted! Even when it feels invisible. Even when it doesn’t pay off right away. I know that it may seem trite to hear this, but some seeds just take longer to bloom. Some breakthroughs are silent before they’re seismic. Some healing happens underground, before anything ever breaks the surface. You might not see the shift yet — but that doesn’t mean you’re stagnant. You’re building foundations the world can’t see. How long will it all take you ask? I don’t want to lie to you, so I will be perhaps unhelpfully honest in saying – I don’t know. BUT what I do know is that when the bloom comes? It will be undeniable.
2. Your Inner Critic is Lying to You. You know that voice in your head? The one that says:

• “You’re falling behind.”
• “You’ll never catch up.”
• “You’re not doing enough.”
• “You’re lame.”
• “Everyone is better than you.”
  
  That voice is not truth. It’s a fear response. It’s old programming. It’s trying to keep you “safe” by keeping you small by using comparison. But here’s what’s actual truth: You are doing enough. You are growing in ways you can’t always measure. You are allowed to be a work in progress and worthy at the same time. You don’t need to earn your rest. You don’t need to prove your progress to be proud of it. You don’t need to be “ahead” to be exactly where you’re meant to be.

3. What If You’re Not Behind — You’re Being Refined? Sometimes, the delay is not a punishment — it’s a preparation. What if the reason it’s taking longer is because the version of life you’re building isn’t surface-level? It’s soul-deep. What if the relationships you want require a version of you who knows how to set boundaries and speak your truth? What if the career you’re building takes longer because you refuse to sell out or settle? What if the love you’re looking for is waiting until you love yourself so deeply that you no longer accept scraps? What if you’re not behind. You’re becoming. And becoming takes time.

Let’s Redefine What “Success” Looks Like

So perhaps it’s time to redefine “Success” no? Unfortunately, we live in an age where we’ve been taught to measure success by things we can post. Titles. Salaries. Milestones. Relationships status. But what if we redefined success? What if success looked like:

• Saying no when you used to say yes to please people?
• Choosing rest instead of guilt?
• Walking away from what no longer served, even when it scared you?
• Recognising that you were wrong and course correcting no matter how hard?
• Starting again — even if it was slow and painful?
• Choosing softness in a world that hardens people?

That’s success too – no. That’s growth – yes. That’s courage – surely. And you are living it — even if the world doesn’t applaud you for it.

*Plot Twist*

HOWEVER (please forgive me for ruining the mood here) but I wouldn’t be doing right by you if I didn’t address this very uncomfortable reality too. BRUTAL HONESTY TIME: there are times when you are doing something wrong and you need to recognise it so that you can shift gears. Look, here’s the truth no one likes to talk about: sometimes, it’s not just bad luck or bad timing. Sometimes we are holding ourselves back without realising it. Sometimes, we’re the ones tripping ourselves up—and we don’t even notice until we’re knee-deep in frustration. And while you are absolutely worthy no matter what, thriving means being real with yourself, too. This doesn’t mean you’re broken. It just means you’re human. Trust me, I’ve been there more times than I can count, and I want to share with you not just how to know when you’re off track, but how to pivot these moments too. Here are a few signs to watch for:

1. You’re stuck in a loop of excuses.
   We’ve all done it. I know I certainly have. In fact, this one’s my personal greatest hit. There have been plenty of times when I’ve told myself, “I’ll start when I have more time, more money, more energy…” but somehow, that magical moment kept moving further away. Case in point, this blog and vlog are years overdue! For years, I convinced myself I couldn’t launch this until I had the perfect setup: better lighting, the right tech, the ideal schedule (whatever that even meant). I swore it was about “being prepared”— but really? I was stalling because I was scared. My fears were masquerading as legitimate reasons that were sounding more like excuses—things I was repeating but never really challenging.
   Shift Gear Tip: Call yourself out and name your fears. Then ask yourself, what small, messy action can you take today, even if the conditions aren’t perfect? Progress starts with imperfect steps.
2. You’re ignoring the hard feedback (or avoiding it altogether).
   Feedback isn’t always comfortable—whether it’s from your boss, your body, your finances, or your relationships. But if the same patterns or critiques keep showing up, and you keep brushing them aside? That’s a red flag. If you keep hitting walls in various aspects of life, and deep down, you know what people are gently trying to tell you —it’s a sign that it’s time to reassess.
   Shift Gear Tip: Pause and really listen. What feedback have you been resisting? What would it look like to face it head-on—not to shame yourself, but to grow? Ask for help. Work on your weak spots. And wouldn’t you know it? Things will start moving again.
3. You’re busy, but not effective.
   Ever have days where you do a million little things… but none of them actually move you forward? That’s called productive procrastination, and it can feel like you’re working hard—but in reality, you’re really just spinning your wheels.
   Shift Gear Tip: Get clear on your priorities. What’s the one thing today that would make the biggest impact? Do that first. Get in the practice of asking yourself every morning: What’s the one needle-moving thing today? Do that! The rest? Bonus.
4. You’re stuck in victim mode.
   This one’s tough love right here. Life does throw curveballs, and some seasons are genuinely hard. But if you catch yourself constantly thinking, “Nothing ever works out for me,” or “It’s not fair, why bother?”—that mindset keeps you trapped. Oh, believe me I know how hard this can be. This is the hardest one for me to admit, but I’ve had spells where my inner monologue was a broken record of, “Woes is me; I’m cursed. Nothing seems to ever come right for me. It’s too hard.” I would look around and see everyone else soaring while I felt like I was sinking.
   Shift Gear Tip: You don’t have to deny your struggles—but you do have to own your power. Personally, what helped me shift was starting tiny. I wrote down one thing—just one thing—I could control that day. Sometimes it was as small as drinking more water or sending one brave email. And those little wins? They rebuilt my sense of agency, brick by brick. Ask yourself: “What’s one thing I can control or change right now, no matter how small?” Start there.
5. You’ve stopped learning or stretching.
   It’s easy to settle into routines, especially when you’re tired or overwhelmed. But if it’s been a while since you challenged yourself, tried something new, or sought out growth—you might be stagnating. Don’t be fooled, sometimes you don’t even notice the stagnation at first because you’re too busy “keeping up.”
   Shift Gear Tip: Reignite your curiosity. Sign up for a workshop. Read a book outside your comfort zone. Reach out to a mentor. Try doing something completely new. That spark of newness will remind you how alive growth feels and reenergise you. Fresh energy = fresh results.

Bottomline?

I’ve learned (the hard way) that giving yourself grace doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook entirely. It means holding space for your struggles and your potential at the same time. Being kind to yourself and being honest with yourself aren’t opposites—they’re partners. You can give yourself grace and expect growth. You can acknowledge your effort and look for where you can evolve. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to stumble. And—you are allowed to get radically honest with yourself about what’s not working and pivot accordingly. So, if you realise you’ve been standing in your own way? Beautiful. That’s not failure. That’s awareness—and awareness is the most powerful first step to freedom and thriving. Awareness is everything. Shift gears. Start again. Keep going.

And for you my other dearest thoughtful reader whose heart is heavy with the weight of comparison, your spirit is tired from trying so damn hard. For all those who feel like the whole world is sprinting and you’re just trying not to trip… I want you to know:

You are not behind.
You are not failing.
You are not alone.

You are allowed to move at your own pace. You are allowed to grow quietly. You are allowed to celebrate the fact that you keep going — even when it’s hard, even when no one sees it, even when it feels like nothing is happening. You are a masterpiece in motion. A revolution in slow bloom. A quiet miracle unfolding in divine timing.

Keep going. You’re doing better than you think. And when it’s your time — not the world’s time, not the internet’s time, not your cousin’s, your ex’s, or your roommate’s time — your time…

It will be beautiful.
It will be undeniable.
It will be yours.

You deserve a life that feels good—not just one that looks good from the outside.

With love and fierce belief in you,